Retainers: A new tool for Weight Loss?

Haunted by dreams of teeth falling out or getting so crooked and jagged that they coil in horrifying spirals out of my mouth, I've decided to start wearing my retainers full time again.

Delighted, I've discovered these orthadontic devices offer me more than just strait teeth and an end to the nightmares. These painful jaw clamps also aid as an appetite supressant. Who wants to snack on crunch Gardettos when your teeth feel so loose and tender that just sipping water is painful? You could pop the retainer out and have a snack, but your snack would still have to be soft and after consuming said soft snack (say that three times fast!) you would be faced with the unpleasant task of putting the retainer back in your mouth. Zowie, you don't want to do that! Once its in, it stays in, for replacing it can often be as painful as the initial placement.

It's nearly 10 a.m. and I've had nothing to eat whatsoever. This may seem like no big feat (or feet for that matter) but usually by this time I've had: a bowl of cheerios with fruit, a bag of cheetos or gardettos or doritos, and possibly a bagel w/ cream cheese or candy bar. That's a lotta snacking for so early in the day!

So let me just say, thank you retainer, for straitening my teeth and trimming my waist.