Hey Kids!

Welcome minors! My name is Chester A. Mumford and I'd like you to meet my furry friend Juan. Juan is very special to me and I hope someday he'll be special to you as well. Juan is my co-pilot in this exciting amusement park ride I like to call life. I can tell Juan anything, and he never judges me or calls the authorities on me. Not once has Juan ever encouraged me to "seek professional help," or "turn myself in." Juan is patient, understanding, and ever so soft. Sometimes he protests when I pet him to much, but like a good friend, he submits eventually. Racoons are nocturnal animals, and Juan is no exception. It's comforting to know that when I wake up in the middle of the night, frightened of a bad dream, Juan is awake in his cage blinking at me in the shadows. Juan will never leave me. Remember kids, a loyal friend is a friend forever. I hope each and everyone of you is lucky enough to have your own Juan someday. Oh, and...let's just keep this between you and me okay? It will be our special secret.
XOXO
Chester