Good night, sleep tight, don’t let the shredded cows bite!

I’ve been craving Del Taco ever since Charise referred to my cow nightmare as shredded beef and suggested I open a taco stand. How twisted are we in this family? How many families do you know that…
*Have seven kids, all from the same mother and father
*Tell scary stories on Christmas Eve
*Plan a Thanksgiving to which no parents are allowed
*Steal their mother’s journals and read them aloud for sheer amusement
*3 out of the 4 sisters were married and divorced before their 22nd birthdays.
*2 out of the 4 sisters have been involved with married men.
*1 of the sisters has dreams about shredded cows, and puppets with needles for arms that touch her privates. Hee hee, I said “privates.”
So anyway, you get my point. We are a little messed up, but that is part of our charm as a family. There is so much more than meets the eye. For example, everyone who knows me thinks I’m just this sweet, sensitive, typical Pisces kind of girl. Everyone who knows me is right….most of the time. But as one overly frisky Latter Day Saint male discovered over the weekend, there is a dark, violent beast lurking within the inner recesses of my soul. Funny, things always take a little plot twist when I’m involved. Sergio and I dated for about 3 weeks last summer. I never kissed him for reason I could write an entire separate blog about. Well, this past weekend Sergio and I were reunited on the camping trip I mentioned earlier. After brief, awkward greetings we began to warm up to each other a little bit. He was being funny, witty, charming and soon I found myself asking “How did I ever let this nice feller slip away?” The later the night got, the more I changed my mind though. About 3 a.m. I decided I was beat and decided to hit the sack and get a bit of much needed shut-eye. I crept to the back of the motor home where the girl’s area was sectioned off with a curtain and climbed into my sleeping back. No sooner had a snuggled up and closed my eyes, when I was pounced upon! Sergio had decided that it was not acceptable for me to be going to bed. Ever. He wouldn’t leave me alone! I tried to ignore his taunts and jeers, and was pretty good at tuning him out. What I couldn’t ignore was his class-of-98-ringed finger plunging into my ear while he guffawed childishly. I also couldn’t ignore his hand clamping down on my side and tickling my knees. I couldn’t ignore his burly body pressed against mine while I begged him to stop and leave me alone so I could sleep. I finally grabbed my sleeping bag and made a bed in the storage compartment where we were keeping our bags and supplies. At this point, I don’t know how many hours had gone by. I only know that the sun was starting to come up and I was feeling completely violated and exhausted. Relieved to be away from the octopus boy, I closed my eyes. Then I heard his voice. “Suzy, what a cool bed you made. I’m going to climb up there and sleep with you okay?” That was it. The breaking point. The beast was unleashed and I would be Sweet Sue no longer.
“You do and I’ll KICK YOU IN THE FACE!” I screamed, my voice cracked from fatigue. “GET OUT OF HERE NOW!!” That was the last I heard from Sergio that night. Or should I say that morning. The sun was starting to rise and I was free to sleep at last. Of course, everyone at the campout heard my outburst and now everyone knows about my darkness within. What can I say? The human spirit can only be pushed so far…no one stands between me and my sleep.