Now, children...who would like to hear a story?
Fairy Tale: How the Useless Vine got his name…
Once upon a time, in a hot dry desert there lived two beautiful girls. One was named Gena and the other, Suzy. Gena and Suzy were spunky, fun and just a tiny bit sassy. One day, while at the gym they ran into two boys named Mike and Eric, who Gena knew from church. The foursome clicked instantly and began spending lots of time together. March passed, then April and finally May. Gena really liked Mike, but he still hadn’t asked her out on a date. In fact, he pulled the ol’ “Woops, I forgot my money routine” multiple times when the dinner bill came around. Once Suzy had to cover his dinner, Gena had to cover him once, and even Eric had too. Summer passed and there were trips to the lake, parties, and lots of hot tubbing. Gena and Mike were finally starting to make some romantic headway. Mike even seemed to be pursuing her. He called her, texted her, emailed her, and even started taking her on dates. Since Gena had moved to Logan, UT over the summer, Mike arranged for a few road trips to see her. He finally became a man and kissed her and told her how much he liked her and liked being with her. He gave her a birthday present. Everything seemed to be going well, but then he got distant on her. Gena tried to talk to him about when she was in town, but he said everything was alright. Well, a few days later she received a text message from him that said “Gena, I’m so so sorry, but I met the girl I’m going to marry and it wouldn’t be fair to her if we still communicate.”
That is how the Useless Vine his name. But wait-he was called that loooooong before he dumped Gena with a text message. Actually, he is called the Useless Vine because
He bad mouthed my sister in front of me
He looks like a vine-all long and green, limp and droopy.
He tried to cop a feel on Gena several times, but gives her a hard time for OCCASIONALLY watching R rated movies.
He refuses to read any book that isn’t published by *The Church.
I’m sure I could go on and on…I’m just a little annoyed at him right now.
*I too, am a fan of books published by The Church. However, I also see the important place non-church books have in my life. After all, Ayn Rand was an atheist, Harper Lee a Methodist, and who knows what L.M. Montgomery is.
Once upon a time, in a hot dry desert there lived two beautiful girls. One was named Gena and the other, Suzy. Gena and Suzy were spunky, fun and just a tiny bit sassy. One day, while at the gym they ran into two boys named Mike and Eric, who Gena knew from church. The foursome clicked instantly and began spending lots of time together. March passed, then April and finally May. Gena really liked Mike, but he still hadn’t asked her out on a date. In fact, he pulled the ol’ “Woops, I forgot my money routine” multiple times when the dinner bill came around. Once Suzy had to cover his dinner, Gena had to cover him once, and even Eric had too. Summer passed and there were trips to the lake, parties, and lots of hot tubbing. Gena and Mike were finally starting to make some romantic headway. Mike even seemed to be pursuing her. He called her, texted her, emailed her, and even started taking her on dates. Since Gena had moved to Logan, UT over the summer, Mike arranged for a few road trips to see her. He finally became a man and kissed her and told her how much he liked her and liked being with her. He gave her a birthday present. Everything seemed to be going well, but then he got distant on her. Gena tried to talk to him about when she was in town, but he said everything was alright. Well, a few days later she received a text message from him that said “Gena, I’m so so sorry, but I met the girl I’m going to marry and it wouldn’t be fair to her if we still communicate.”
That is how the Useless Vine his name. But wait-he was called that loooooong before he dumped Gena with a text message. Actually, he is called the Useless Vine because
He bad mouthed my sister in front of me
He looks like a vine-all long and green, limp and droopy.
He tried to cop a feel on Gena several times, but gives her a hard time for OCCASIONALLY watching R rated movies.
He refuses to read any book that isn’t published by *The Church.
I’m sure I could go on and on…I’m just a little annoyed at him right now.
*I too, am a fan of books published by The Church. However, I also see the important place non-church books have in my life. After all, Ayn Rand was an atheist, Harper Lee a Methodist, and who knows what L.M. Montgomery is.
posted by Moonery at
1:20 PM
5 Comments:
I hate to say it but you could have called that one from a million miles away. There are several factors here.
A. Proximity (the equation goes proximity=attraction) or for most guys - long distance=too much effort.
B. He was coined the "Useless Vine"...need I say more.
C. He didn't have the "Charlie Browns" to kiss her for how many months? That's not respect - that's LAZINESS.
D. Oh, I could go on, and on, and on...but my point is - once again, NORMANS (pansie men with religious upbringing and child bearing hips) are not worth you guy's time.
By
jez, At
3:45 PM
Charlie Browns! HAR!
I wasn't a big fan of the Useless Vine myself...I'd be lying is I said I was sad it was over. It is the method of ending it that upsets me. I had kind of hoped Gena would dump his botanical, green a*s long before he had the chance to hurt her this way.
So it goes though...
By
Moonery, At
3:54 PM
A text message break-up. Yeah. Now there is a man who will lead his family.... support his wife... take out the trash... yeah.
And I surely hope that the wife that god prepared to be his celestial companion HAS A FREEKING CAR!!!
Actually I hope they ride out to their honeymoon on his scooter. And not to hit a sore spot with anyone but.... my money is on the side of his ending up financing his wifes ring on a joint account that she ends up being the one making the payments. Any takers?
By
Charisee310, At
5:48 PM
OMG! I can't believe I haven't commented on this blog...
My comment:
I could have predicted this happening from a mile away. Why? Because, any guy who pulls the "I forgot my wallet" line is a dickless pansie.
Oh, let me make another educated guess---did this break-up happen shortly after he tried to get his "bone" on and G wouldn't let him? Sounds like something a Norman would do.
We need to write a book on Normans, don't we?
By
Anonymous, At
10:40 AM
Actually it was right after he tried to be "inappropriate" with my sweet, innocent Gena. Coincadince? I wonder...
By
Moonery, At
2:37 PM
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