It Begins...

I had a long conversation with Gena yesterday after my astronomy class. When I put the phone down, I had a very unsettling feeling in my stomach. I did a meal check, reviewing what contents I had consumed, hoping to find the cause of such discomfort. Breakfast-cheerios with blueberries and raspberries. Lunch-chicken noodle soup, carrot sticks, and half an empanada. Dinner-hadn’t had any yet. I realized slowly, that it wasn’t food at all! The things Gena and I had discussed were sinking in and I realized the ickiness of my situation. Gena is in love with the Useless Vine. The Useless Vine is in love with her. EEEEECK!!! I thought I had wanted this at first. I thought if she finds herself fellow here she’ll move back! (Yes, I do realize how pathetic this sounds-but she’s my bestest pal in the whole wide world) I’m learning this relationship with Gena and the Vine is not in my favor though. She’s going through…the change. No, I’m not talking about menopause. The girl’s only 25 years old, for crying out loud. I’m talking about the change girls go through when they get a new boyfriend. Symptoms of said change can include but are not limited to the following:
1. Change in appetite. All of a sudden, Gena is the salad queen! (Charise, maybe next time we’re in town, you can take us to the “Salad Factory!”) I noticed this Sunday afternoon when we went out to lunch, and when talking to her on the phone she mentioned something about fixing herself a salad. This is quite a drastic change from her usual diet of hot tamales, skittles and burritos.
2. Multiple cryptic statements such as “So cute…” or “Mmm…love it.” What is so cute? What do you love? Furry little rabbits? UFOs? A kick in the pants?
3. Patronizing well-wishing like “Suzy, I hope you find someone wonderful too,” or “There’s a guy out there for you somewhere, don’t give up.” Whaaaa?? Who said I was giving up or that I even really give a hoot. Hoot!
4. Obvious change in inflection. Gena’s voice has raised about two octaves. I feel like I’m talking to a choir boy. Also, I’ve noticed the absence of her hearty guffaw I love so much. It has been replaced by a dainty giggle.
5. I have no visible evidence of this, but I just KNOW that she was twirling her hair on her pinkie the whole time we spoke.
I’m very concerned about these recent developments, and I can’t help but feel partially responsible. My apartment is where most of the *pre-relationship contact occurred, while I grimaced nearby feeling like an intruder in my own home. Also, it was my past (long past, I need to emphasize) crush on the Useless Vine’s friend Eric that really brought them together. I feel like falling to my knees in a dramatic gesture of anguish, and with my hands on my head crying “Oh what have I done???” Hmmm…that sounds like fun. I just may do that when I get a spare moment. Until then, I send this plea out to the cosmos “Please let my friend come back to me!!”

*Pre-relationship contact is a phenomenon that occurs in LDS young, single adults. It consists of two members of the opposite sex who are obviously attracted to each other, but not bold enough to make a real, defining gesture such as hand holding or a kiss. Pre-relationship contact can involve but is not limited to the following: tickling, wrestling, thumb-wars, knuckle-sandwiches, dunking each other in the pool, and (shudder) pathetic little back rubs.