Brotherly Lizzove

Here is a little story of why Kurt is an amazing brother. Last week, the check engine light on my Honda popped on. Arrrrghhh, I hate it when that happens. Well, I learned a little trick from a shifty mechanic. If you want to avoid a pricey diagnostic, simply disconnect and then reconnect your battery. If nothing is wrong, the light will go off. If the light remains…well, better spring for the diagnostic. So anyhooizzle, yesterday I asked Kurt if he can disconnect and reconnect my battery for me. Of course he said “No problem” and last night after class I went over to his house. When I pulled up he was outside waiting for me with his tools. He worked quickly and then asked me to start my car to see if it had worked. Success! The check engine light was no longer lit.
I gave him the thumbs up sign and said “Thank you so much!”
He then said “I have to get over to the hospital, but Elizabeth and Austin are inside if you want to keep them company.”
“Why are you going to the hospital?” I asked. “Is someone sick?”
“No,” he replied. “I was working on something before you got here and I accidentally sliced my leg open.”
WHAAAAA????? He then lifted up his shorts and showed my the deep, bloody gash above his knee. Can you believe he fixed my car all the while oozing from a deep and serious wound? Oh, I felt so guilty. He then hopped in the car and went to the hospital refusing to let me accompany him. So this is a story I want to shout from the roof tops. He didn’t have to do that, he really shouldn’t have done it, but he did anyway. Because he is just that amazing.

Where's Waldo?

Whatever happened to where’s Waldo? Did people just stop caring about his status of location? Is he still lost and wandering about, waiting for the day when someone will find him? Could you be the one to point out his red cap and candy cane shirt? His glasses reflecting the glow from your intense gaze as you scan over crowds of faceless, nameless wanderers, each possibly more lost than Waldo himself? And why is Waldo so effing important? What about the old man standing next to him, or the small child holding a balloon? Are they so insignificant? What is our purpose here? How come the frosting on pop tarts doesn’t melt when you toast them? Will Joan Rivers ever die? How many times do I need to eat at Del Taco before I realize I could have bought house with that I’ve spent there this year?
These are the thoughts that go through my mind when I’ve had too many fruit snacks, not enough exercise, and just the right amount of sleep. What can I say? It is great being me. At least I’m not lost and ugly, like Waldo.

On the Subject of Rain

Charise talked about the California storms, and I want in on that action too. Not the California storms though, that would just be silly as I am not in California at the moment. I am however in Las Vegas, which has been experiencing some incredible acts of nature for the past two days. Last night as I got out of class, I felt lighter than air. Largely, it was because we watched this horrendously typical movie in Astronomy that had me laughing out loud and without shame through its duration. It was so wonderful, I wish I could get a copy of it. Grainy in appearance, this film was narrated by none other than Captain Jean Luke Pikkard. My apologies to trekkis everywhere for botching the spelling of your beloved Enterprise captain’s name. I could have sworn the film came out in the early 80s at best, but I found out it was more like 2001. This knowledge did not take away from the campy nature of the flick and I was all smiles by the time class got out. My cheery mood was heightened by the lovely damp smell of rain on pavement, and the spectacular light show in the sky. I wanted to throw my head back and let the rain pour all over me while I twirled and twirled in it. Instead, I drove home as carefully as I could and viewed the storm safely from my balcony. It was nice, I really had time to think. Rolling so many thoughts around in my head brought me to this conclusion-I need to invest in an umbrella. Oh, ya and life is good. Great!

Owie

My feet hurt. Curse these boots for being so cute, yet so extremely painful. I keep wearing them in hopes that perhaps they will finally get “broken in.” But instead, I think I’M getting broken…broken feet that is. So tell me, do any of you think it would be unacceptable if I went to class tonight in just my socks? They are cute socks. White with little yellow aliens all over them. It is like there is a cosmic gathering in my shoe every time I wear them. They’re great!

Sweet Dreams are Made of These

Nik, I hope you’re not mad. I had a dream about Rusty the other night, and it was a goooooooood dream. No, we didn’t “get it on,” but he did look in my eyes and kiss me like I’ve never been kissed before. Oh ya. I woke up smiling, and then I called Charise to ask “What does it all mean?” That’s when Charise said something so cute. “You know how in Heaven, we’re taught that all things will be revealed? Wouldn’t it be great if there was a Dream Interpertation 101 course you could take and find out what they all mean?” I had to agree with her on that one. Not only because of the Rusty dream, but last night I had a dream that will probably upset my sisters. I swore not to think about Eric, talk about Eric, and definitely not DREAM about Eric. But alas, last night I dreamed I went to Chicago to find him. I don’t know why-he isn’t in Chicago at the moment, though he spends most of his holidays there. I woke up with the overwhelming desire to log on to expedia.com and find out what kind of deals I could come up with. Why? Why does a stupid dream have such an effect on me? And why can’t I dream about things that are feasible, like going to the fridge for a piece of cheese or taking a walk to the park? I can DO these thing, they can be a reality. Rusty can not be reality. I don’t even want that to be a reality. Eric…well, we all know that story. Almost a reality, but never quite there. The most frustrating thing ever. Don’t worry, Nik. I’ve really been diving into the How to Spot a Dangerous Man book, and I’m taking the lessons to heart. How did I get on this subject? This blog has no direction today…I have no direction today. But you know, it is kind of nice being all scattered. Sort of like scattered rain showers in the summer time. Everybody loves those!

It Begins...

I had a long conversation with Gena yesterday after my astronomy class. When I put the phone down, I had a very unsettling feeling in my stomach. I did a meal check, reviewing what contents I had consumed, hoping to find the cause of such discomfort. Breakfast-cheerios with blueberries and raspberries. Lunch-chicken noodle soup, carrot sticks, and half an empanada. Dinner-hadn’t had any yet. I realized slowly, that it wasn’t food at all! The things Gena and I had discussed were sinking in and I realized the ickiness of my situation. Gena is in love with the Useless Vine. The Useless Vine is in love with her. EEEEECK!!! I thought I had wanted this at first. I thought if she finds herself fellow here she’ll move back! (Yes, I do realize how pathetic this sounds-but she’s my bestest pal in the whole wide world) I’m learning this relationship with Gena and the Vine is not in my favor though. She’s going through…the change. No, I’m not talking about menopause. The girl’s only 25 years old, for crying out loud. I’m talking about the change girls go through when they get a new boyfriend. Symptoms of said change can include but are not limited to the following:
1. Change in appetite. All of a sudden, Gena is the salad queen! (Charise, maybe next time we’re in town, you can take us to the “Salad Factory!”) I noticed this Sunday afternoon when we went out to lunch, and when talking to her on the phone she mentioned something about fixing herself a salad. This is quite a drastic change from her usual diet of hot tamales, skittles and burritos.
2. Multiple cryptic statements such as “So cute…” or “Mmm…love it.” What is so cute? What do you love? Furry little rabbits? UFOs? A kick in the pants?
3. Patronizing well-wishing like “Suzy, I hope you find someone wonderful too,” or “There’s a guy out there for you somewhere, don’t give up.” Whaaaa?? Who said I was giving up or that I even really give a hoot. Hoot!
4. Obvious change in inflection. Gena’s voice has raised about two octaves. I feel like I’m talking to a choir boy. Also, I’ve noticed the absence of her hearty guffaw I love so much. It has been replaced by a dainty giggle.
5. I have no visible evidence of this, but I just KNOW that she was twirling her hair on her pinkie the whole time we spoke.
I’m very concerned about these recent developments, and I can’t help but feel partially responsible. My apartment is where most of the *pre-relationship contact occurred, while I grimaced nearby feeling like an intruder in my own home. Also, it was my past (long past, I need to emphasize) crush on the Useless Vine’s friend Eric that really brought them together. I feel like falling to my knees in a dramatic gesture of anguish, and with my hands on my head crying “Oh what have I done???” Hmmm…that sounds like fun. I just may do that when I get a spare moment. Until then, I send this plea out to the cosmos “Please let my friend come back to me!!”

*Pre-relationship contact is a phenomenon that occurs in LDS young, single adults. It consists of two members of the opposite sex who are obviously attracted to each other, but not bold enough to make a real, defining gesture such as hand holding or a kiss. Pre-relationship contact can involve but is not limited to the following: tickling, wrestling, thumb-wars, knuckle-sandwiches, dunking each other in the pool, and (shudder) pathetic little back rubs.

Take Me Out!

Franz Ferdinand? They are only the coolest thing to come out of Scotland since kilts, baby. I bought my ticket nearly 2 months ago and have been keeping it in a snug, safe place in my bedroom, eagerly ticking away the days to the blessed night when I would see my beloved band play live. Tonight’s the night and I’m thrilled. But I’m also slightly riddled by anxiety-since this will be the first concert I ever go to…ALONE. Alooooone. Las Vegas, being somewhat musically isolated is very much lacking in Franz Ferdinand fans, and I wasn’t about to miss my charming Scots because I couldn’t find anyone with good enough taste to snag a ticket. Besides, going as a lone reed, an island, a towering fortress of one should be empowering and enlightening. Right? Right? Shoot, maybe it isn’t too late for me to buy another ticket and bribe one of my friends to go. The conversation would be a little something like this.
Suzy: Say, how would you like to join me for an evening of spectacular music guaranteed to make you dance?

Friend: Wow, that sounds swell. Who’s the act?

Suzy: Franz Ferdinand!

Friend: Franz Whaaaa??? You talken’ crazy.

Actually, it should be noted I do have friends with similar musical interests. Gena who lives in Logan doesn’t do me any good tonight, and the Useless Vine-he won’t go anywhere without Gena. So that’s that. I’m on my own. We’ll see what happens.

We are NOT COWS!!!

We are not cows, why must we chew our cud? As you may have guessed, someone sitting near me at work today is chewing gum quite loudly. I can hear every ounce of saliva in her mouth churning in her jowls with each chomp of the horrible gum. I can’t stand it! I’m going to be ill…

Moo! Moo! Moo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's Happening to ME???

I used to be so nice! Last night Sergio called to tell me a dream he had about me. I will now quote the conversation verbatim.

Sergio “So in my dream, YOU kissed ME! I’m not sure where we were though…”
Suzy “Were we standing on Hell…FROZEN OVER?”
Sergio “Ouch.”
Suzy (thinking to herself) ZING!!

I hate being so rude, but the idea of him dreaming about me kissing him leaves me feeling a bit violated somehow. I did apologize, somewhat half heartedly, but nonetheless. You know what I think? I think I’m just bitter and fed up with people in general. Perhaps a vacation from society would be in order-perhaps if I starve myself of these people who annoy me so, I’ll realize how much I need them? That is some messed up thinking, I know but perhaps it is one of those “so crazy it just might work” schemes.
Sounds a lot like my plan to raise Emus and live off the money from selling their eggs to third world countries, but we all need to get a little crazy sometimes, right?

Hey Boo!

Ah, it’s that magical time of year again. Leaves are changing color, a chill is in the wind, and grocery stores everywhere are selling ridiculously large bags of candy to give even the calmest of children a terrifying sugar rush. Yes, my friends. Halloween is rapidly approaching and I’m positively thrilled! I was able to kick of the festive season with a day at Lagoon’s Frightmares with my wonderful sister Nichole, my best pal Gena and the Useless Vine. Lagoon has such a lovely ghetto charm in the summer, but their Halloween season is even better because now pre-pubescents working the Wack-A-Mole station have grey makeup smeared across their pimply faces and fake chainsaws in their hands. I think I speak for Nichole as well when I say a good time was had by all. I’m sure even the Useless Vine enjoyed himself. Nichole and I were able to sneak away to have some good sisterly bonding. This consisted of eating a delicious meal from Arby’s and going through the most terrifying haunted house EVER!!! The Nightmare Midway started off when the creepy door attendant forced me to enter all by my lonesome. No amount of begging or pleading or seduction could convince him otherwise. While I shivered alone in the dark corridor I knew I was in for some serious scares. I was right. By the time we made it to the ghostly Prom area of the haunted house, I just wanted to crumple in a weeping heap on the corn-syrup blood encrusted floor and beg for mercy. When you’re reduced to a sweaty, shaking mass clinging to your older sister with one hand and covering your eyes with the other, that’s when you know you’re in a good haunted house! After such a frightfully enjoyable time, I can honestly say I am ready for the Halloween season! Bring on the scary movies, costumes and fondue parties! Mmmm…fondue.